What If this is it?

Last night I had a bad dream, I think it was a bad as I saw an owl hooting in the dream, it was not in a place I could see clearly, all I could see was the owl and its sounds. At that point my superstitious side came to life, I mean at some point in time we have known what owl is associated with, most so when you hail from the western region of the country. I am sincerely convinced there is no cause for alarm, I might have just gone to sleep worried about something, but it got me thinking. What if this is the last piece you ever read from me? Not necessarily dying but what if the life I have led sums it all? What if all those dreams I have just go down and melt to ground never to be heard of again? What if this is all the growth I ever had, physically, intellectually, mentally or even spiritually? What if all my life count will be from the ones the earth have seen till today? I mean what if this is it? Well in that case I will have several things to reflect on having seen, done, heard or felt in my life;

My family life has been great. I have always been a joy to my family from the word go. Given from the fact that I was conceived and delivered at a time when my parents were under so much pressure. I mean a whole five years into marriage and nothing was forthcoming to show for the labor. The person getting much criticism more was mum first because of the African tendencies to blame the woman and again dad was a champion and a few manifestations would be seen across the village. I mean one time in the village you meet someone looking like you yet you are not relatives until you start questioning stuff. It is good the truth has a way of coming out some times. So after being there for one another in the five years, I really can’t tell how much or how hard they tried. Not even places and positions they gave a try on. How many times mum told her, “let’s just try this one last time.” I really can’t know how many times they searched for me for a one last time. Which I know was never going to come. All I know is that at last a good looking baby boy appeared in form of me. I don’t know where my childhood good looks went to though. It is hard being ahead, you always want to be a good example. Many times you fall but you never let those who come behind see it. They need the motivation you impact in them. I have strived to stay true to my family all the time. It is another one thing that never misses in my prayers except when saying the grace for meals. Even though as I grow I have fallen out with some extended family members to mean am normal. I am good with several of them though both maternal and paternal.

I have several education avenues in my life. I have learned in formal set up where I have gained a good bit of knowledge. I have read a lot of written pages, screens, posters even walls, I have been a good reader. Not class work reading but just reading every other thing. I have even tried reading minds. I have learned by observation and have learned from the best about general life skills. Of all the things I have learned I have come to conclude that my life is good with two virtues, honesty and patience. I hold them dearly. I have had my hands on several things, some that have gone well others not. I have also had a go on a karaoke (umama I tell you). I have learned to pick up and do what makes me happy. I have been happy and sad at times. I know how they feel. I have also learned how not to beg, not for anyone to stay in my life or to love me. You can always stay if you want and hit the road when you feel like because I will sure do the same. I also know what it is to break rules and get in problems with the law and, most times evading consequences I also have known how to respect authority and also to question it.

My social life has been great. I have had several friends along the way, some gone along the way, other we keep a little touch, others we are waiting to write RIP for the one who goes to the maker first. I have made brothers from other mothers. I know what it means to have someone have full trust in me and know that I always got their back. I have grown to know the little people who always got my ass covered whatever the situation and I can’t thank them enough. I know what it means to fall in love and what it means to fall out. I have known what it means to be vulnerable to someone and also what it means to be all about someone, still trying that though. At one time a pretty lady has wanted to be a carrier of my seeds, she loved me but I was not lovable and I got the phrase “your kid is all I want.” It never happened though, these seeds are way precious. I know what it means to be with a lady for over half a year telling her you love her when it’s true but then you are in love with someone else. I learnt that love can be shared. If you don’t believe that go hang or any other thing to show your resentment or doubt, am ever democratic. Again I have never told anyone I love them if I don’t, even when you ask me that when we both naked I will never lie just to get through. I know what it means to get random lays and to pick one night stands from parties. I know what it means to go silent on someone after it has happened. I also know what it means to get a passionate kiss from someone you love until you stop in the middle, look at her closed eyes in the heat of the moment and ask yourself, “why can’t I keep this forever.’ Someone so good you want to eat her all up by your mouth. I know what it is to wake up in the morning after a night of shit and ask “where am I?” Damn Mombasa it was!

I know what it is to live in a mud walled grass thatched house that you have to move things plus yourselves to a corner when it rains, where preparing meals will be hell coz of the water in the fireplace. At the same time I know what it means to live in a big perimeter wall fenced, multi roomed mansion with several cars parked outside. From the experiences I swear that thing referred to as the root cause of evil is good. It is good to have it. You see someone you share a roof with being picked in the morning, saluted with fellow men and car door opened for him. You feel the real effect of power. Being broke sucks and it is not a secret. The good thing is that I don’t know hunger. I don’t know sleeping in an empty stomach. Poverty might know me by name but we never flirted up to that level.

From all these, if this was to be the end, one of the biggest things I would not want to imagine is not getting a chance to hear one say, “if it were not Lewis, I wouldn’t have turn out this good.” Every day I live I want to be a positive influence on people even if it’s a single person who will see the bright side of life because of me, those whose sun will shine bright because of me. Again it is huge that I have never taken a daughter of Eve home for vetting, a daughter of her dad, even after the obvious pointers that have been thrown my way. It is bad I never got one worth that, the one I asked was just a friend and I know they wouldn’t have appreciated it as much, though it would have worked to show that I am on the right road with the society, that I play for the right team. So if this was my last shit I am giving you, just know I am not SORRY for anything. Even the things I did that am never proud of, if I got on your bad books you can do whatever you wish. Then do whatever pleases you with me. You can be true or not, I don’t care what anyone will say I am good in whatever have been through and anything have wanted have always gone for.

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